{"id":6972,"date":"2025-03-21T20:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-03-21T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sinag.press\/news\/?p=6972"},"modified":"2025-03-21T16:21:32","modified_gmt":"2025-03-21T08:21:32","slug":"bump-in-the-night-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sinag.press\/news\/2025\/03\/21\/bump-in-the-night-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"What Goes Bump in the Night: Why we need to pass the world\u2019s last Divorce bill"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

trigger warnings<\/span><\/strong>
depictions of domestic abuse, physical, sexual, emotional violence, incestuous childhood sexual assault, verbal abuse, gaslighting, familial dysfunction, hopelessness, suicidal ideation, abandonment, disownment, dissociation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.<\/p>Mark 10:9, Bible (King James Version)<\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n


In 2011, the country of Malta held a referendum for the passage of a divorce bill. The Catholic Church in the country urged its voters to reject the measure. However, despite religious pressures, the people passed the divorce bill, leaving the Philippines as the sole secular country in the world without absolute divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In October 2024, the House of Representatives passed the Absolute Divorce Bill. However, despite statements by several public figures and public discourse on the bill, the Senate refused to consider the bill. As a result, in March 2025, it lapsed through into the midterm elections and must restart its passage through the Philippine legislature for the next Congress to handle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To this day, the only methods of ending a civil marriage in the Philippines are through annulment (which costs thousands of pesos in lawyers\u2019 fees) and relative divorce (which disallows the people in the marriage from ever remarrying).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/span>
Devil in the Details<\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n
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Angel was a kid in their formative elementary years. They were emotionally aloof and lived with both of their parents in a city somewhere in Metro Manila. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel\u2019s mother had to commute back and forth from home everyday, struggling to make ends meet, after her husband\u2013 then a security guard at a nearby bank\u2013 recently lost his job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both of Angel\u2019s parents were emotionally unavailable for them, because their mother would be too tired to listen to their stories from school. And when they turn to their father, they would just see him drinking, tending to his gamefowls<\/em> (mga manok panabong), or hogging the television to watch basketball, even if Angel would have wanted to watch their favorite cartoon too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel would notice how dirty laundry kept piling up, unwashed plates rose in stacks, and bills were waiting to be paid. They thought, \u201cAno ba ang dapat o kaya kong gawin?\u201d All at a very tender age. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One evening, Angel was eating dinner when their parents suddenly got into a fight. Their mother raged at her husband, saying something along the lines of \u201cWala kang kwenta! Ang tamad-tamad mo! Pagod na pagod na ako!\u201d Meanwhile, the father retaliated with curses, his tongue venomed with a viciousness unbound. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel would describe that night as one that had \u201ca lot of thuds\u201d \u2013 they remember vividly the way their walls made of plywood rattled and the columns made of coco lumber would shake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And in a moment, Angel found their door destroyed by their father and their mother on the side, crying and covered with bruises. Angel tried to protect their mother, but they too were not spared of their father\u2019s wrath. He would hit them with a belt, particularly its metal end, and Angel would find themselves crying, hugging their mother, and begging for mercy.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThink about the many times your parents have gotten into each other’s nerves and were almost tempted to call it quits. Think about the number of times your father slept “outside the kulambo<\/em>” or your mother packed up her things and brought you with her to her parents’ home, because of a misunderstanding between the two of them. Think about what could have happened to your own family if civil divorce had already been available when you were much younger, and your parents were going through some serious problems in their relationship? Think of the sufferings that you would have had to endure if civil divorce had already been available as a remedy for what your own parents may have thought back then were “irreconcilable differences” between them?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Catholic Bishops\u2019 Conference in the Philippines,
A Nation Founded on Family, A Family Founded on Marriage<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Due to the nature of domestic violence, there have been no accessible and satisfactory statistical data on how often it occurs within marriages. In 2022, the Philippine Statistics Authority\u2019s National Demographic and Health Survey found that over 17% of Filipino women experienced violence from their intimate partner<\/a> (incl. husbands).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite the incidence rate being alarmingly high, the Catholic Bishops\u2019 Conference in the Philippines has continued to oppose the legalization of divorce in the Philippines. In 2024, they released a statement urging lawmakers to reject the passage of the divorce bill<\/a>, arguing that such a bill would devalue marriages and compel Filipinos to give up and take the easy way out when it comes to resolving their issues together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It was a hot, sunny afternoon. Angel was walking with their mother at the park cluelessly, only to find themselves in front of the authorities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGusto niyo po ba, barilin na namin?\u201d Angel remembered this line from the police officer. Their mother would look at them and ask, \u201cGusto mo ba barilin nila yung papa mo?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel did not really know what to do or what to say. They just stared blankly at the figures in front of them, a torrent of feelings ripping through them. They knew they hated their father. Angel knew that him dropping dead and bleeding on the ground would make them safer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, Angel was caught up in the allure of the idea of a complete \u201cfamily\u201d\u2013 a family, consisting of a child, a mother, and a father. They believed that, whatever was happening, was not permanent\u2014and that their father would change.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Misogynistic attitudes are often perpetuated within Filipino families, where traditional gender roles are reinforced through communication and behavior. Research indicates that such attitudes can be transmitted across generations, affecting daughters’ perceptions of their roles and reinforcing patriarchal norms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Angel and their family eventually decided to move from Metro Manila to a nearby province. Using the hard-earned money their mother worked for, they were able to afford a house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their father took care of Angel somewhat, cooking them food more, taking them to school, and making them look presentable for school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, Angel remembered how their father would touch them in their intimate areas. They remembered how they would suddenly wake up with their father beside them with no shirt on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel remembered a time when their father would get angry at them while he was drinking. The fury prompted him to force Angel to kneel on salt while carrying heavy books with both hands. He would then hit them with a belt and hangers. Angel was reminded of all the other abuse they had to endure throughout the years\u2014from punching, hitting, vicious verbal tirades, and, at one point, force-feeding Angel excessive amounts of siling labuyo<\/em> (chili pepper) for saying something that their father did not like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite leaving everything behind from before, they still felt unsafe. So they found an opportunity to leave and go to a faraway place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel would sit on a swing from the playground in the subdivision and contact their closest friends in high school about how they were. They were worried, but could not really do anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite everything, Angel still felt empty and helpless.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cWhile it is true that some marriages may be beyond repair already, isn’t it just as true that going through times of marital crisis is almost a normal thing for all married couples and need not end too quickly in a parting of ways? Shouldn’t we also listen to the stories of couples that have crises related to their marital relationship and, after many years, have looked back, realized that their bond had not been shattered? That it had actually been strengthened by the crises?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Catholic Bishops\u2019 Conference in the Philippines,
A Nation Founded on Family, A Family Founded on Marriage<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A 2019 study<\/a> in the Philippines found that children from broken families tended to have negative self-perception, difficulty trusting themselves, and had problems when it came to building healthy relationships, trusting others, and becoming attached to their partners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the only place you\u2019ve ever learned about marriage and love is a family tearing itself apart at the seams, can you trust yourself to do any better? Without a healthy example for what that love even looks like, how do you make a healthy \u2018love\u2019 that is your own?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You end up asking yourself \u201cIs this crisis normal? Is this suffering normal? How many beatings do I take before I am no longer strengthening my bond with my husband\u2013 before this marriage is beyond repair?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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One of the moments that changed the trajectory of Angel\u2019s life forever was when their parents decided to formally split.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was still the same things over and over\u2014dirty laundry kept piling up, unwashed plates rose in stacks, and bills were waiting to be paid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel\u2019s father tried to work in the province, but he just ended up cheating on Angel\u2019s mother with a coworker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel would find their mother crying, finding her self-image more and more distorted\u2013 as she found out her husband was cheating, she too decided that she would find comfort in the embrace of another man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At this point, Angel wasn\u2019t sure what \u2018love\u2019 was anymore.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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The male ego is often considered the central force or the foundation of how patriarchal society is what it is today. Leonora Angeles, in UP Third World Center\u2019s Kasarinlan Journal\u2019s Vol 16 No 1 (2001)<\/a> issue on Gender and Sexuality would discuss how feminist scholars moved from \u201cwomen as victim, men as the problem\u201d discourse. Instead, it is important to theorize on the male perspective, particularly the male ego, in order to better understand patriarchal relations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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While Angel was doing a project for MAPEH, they overheard a loud thud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They found their parents fighting, because their mother did not want to have sex with their father. He insisted over and over until he started asking if their mother had another man. He demanded an answer and accused her of it since she did not want to do it with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They had started sleeping in separate quarters since the family moved to their new house, but their father seemed to be even more intensely sexually harassing them since.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The argument went on for a long time, until there were objects flying, doors slamming, and shrill shouting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel, reminded of their past, felt the need to protect their mother\u2013 like it was a natural instinct to do so. Their family dog would bark too, like it was supporting them against a home invader.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel and their mother ran from the man\u2014who, at this point, had attempted to burn their house down and picked up a metal tube to try and hit them both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The dog struggled loose, gnashing at the father, and bought the two just enough time to escape. Fortunately, the gate was left unlocked and they managed to run far, far away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The man would search and keep watch for Angel and their mother after that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many would advise Angel\u2019s mother to report him to the barangay officials for a blotter or to the police station for a case. Both of them could have died by now and forever remain just a memory in other people\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But perhaps, the same fear that entered Angel\u2019s mind when they were young also bothered their mother\u2019s mind\u2013 the idea of a complete family. Perhaps she feared escalating a conflict into something bigger, will only lead to more pain and suffering. <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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In the Philippines, the legal concept of Conjugal Partnership of Gains states that spouses share assets acquired during the marriage but retain ownership of assets acquired before marriage or through inheritance. Additionally, separation and annulment cases often involve complex asset disputes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without clear divorce laws, many estranged couples face legal battles over property ownership, particularly if assets were acquired jointly. However, this problem is often overlooked when discussing marriages, and this is evident in Angel\u2019s story, where their parents had to struggle battling over their supposed \u201chome.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Angel\u2019s parents finally split soon after.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, they found out that the house their mother spent all her hard-earned money on was actually legally owned by her husband, since he processed the payment when it was being bought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel\u2019s mother was devastated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite everything, she was forced to let go of something she poured her blood, sweat, and tears into\u2014all because of legal complications. However, eventually, the father ended up selling it, with both spouses splitting a share of the money, since Angel\u2019s father believed keeping the house would not matter anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel transferred back to the province over the summer in order to continue their studies. They would live with their grandparents in the meantime, while Angel\u2019s mother would financially provide for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their father would eventually go see Angel in the province, trying to convince them to come with him to the city center to \u201cjust have fun.\u201d Angel hesitated and did not accept his invitation. He fumed with anger, and accused Angel of being heartless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But after that, Angel never saw the man again. They would eventually receive a phone call from a distant relative, saying he died due to an illness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel cried, sure\u2014but did not know if the feeling of relief or devastation triumphed over the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For Angel, it was nice to not feel like their life was in danger anymore. But they also clung to the rotten hope that they wanted to see their father to exist, because they wanted to see him change\u2013 to see them be successful and realize what love truly is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Angel wanted to make him realize despite his flaws in taking care of his wife and Angel, they were still capable of loving and taking care of a family. Angel wanted to assert and prove they were not broken. That they knew what it meant to love and be loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, despite the heady noise inside Angel\u2019s mind, life went on. After their father was buried, Angel did not have the time to grieve. They had to proceed with life as normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their mother did not want to visit the burial of their father, and was more focused on establishing her blooming relationship with another man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, in the middle of it all, what Angel felt was genuine loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both of their parents never really became parents for them. Neither of them knew how to take care of themselves in the first place, let alone their relationship. How then could they have realized that all their child wanted was for them to love themselves, so Angel could figure out how to love themselves too?<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/span>
Scripture or Salvation<\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n
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On a weary December night, Lulu and Arwen found out Lulu was pregnant with Julia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lulu started anxiously wringing her fingers, but especially felt the vacancy of her ring finger. She was anxious about what her family would think, what her siblings would say, how her mother would chide her for being so foolish as to get herself pregnant so quickly after graduating\u2013 all for a boy who was only a few years into bookkeeping for these small businesses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the same instant, Arwen had to start recalibrating his plans around accountancy. Would his jobs really get him enough money to pay for the expenses of a pregnancy? Of a wedding? The two of them were living in barely-living spaces with hardly a bed and a kitchen to stay and, quite suddenly, they would have to move in together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Southern Metro Manila was quiet, much like their home provinces, however where would they go from here? Do they know anyone who could house them for a bit while they gathered themselves together at least through the civil wedding? Because surely they couldn\u2019t have this child outside of wedlock. What would everyone say? What about this child\u2019s documents in the future?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, they were both struck by a familiar worry: was their combined income even enough to start a family? It was very early in the 2000s, but the economic situation was starting to look grim. Their friends and relatives were all jumping on planes to start working abroad as the cost of living kept climbing while Philippine wages wouldn\u2019t keep pace..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lulu looked down at her hands in front of the doctor and wondered if she made the right choices. Sure, she finished a Psychology degree but what was that going to get her? She was planning on doing her boards to be a psychometrician but she wasn\u2019t sure if she would have the time and energy to do it now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arwen\u2019s hand felt soft but firm on hers. She looked up to him and he smiled back at Lulu. So soft and reassuring.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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In a 2022 report<\/a>, the UNFPA revealed that 71 in every 1,000 women in the Philippines aged 15 to 49 went through an unintended pregnancy between 2015 and 2019. They also note that despite the passage of the Reproductive Health Law, there were still many factors that lead to the continued presence of unintended pregnancy, including unequal social and economic conditions for women and girls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Lulu knelt down next to Julia. She held a numb gaze at her mother, clutching a tiger-striped hardbound notebook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arwen\u2019s apartment in Saudi was barely bigger than a bedroom\u2013 just enough for a half-kitchen and two single mattresses sitting side-by-side for the three of them to sleep on. In the cabinets were rotting letters Lulu and Arwen exchanged over the past nine years and shirts with opportune holes, just barely good enough to wear when he was out of the office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His phone was sitting broken at the bottom of a drum of water, while Arwen stood across the room from the two. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia\u2019s mother sat down next to her and smiled softly. \u201cKanino mo gusto sumama, anak ko?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arwen was visibly upset but he knew saying anything else would only upset Lulu more. He watched and looked to Lulu with softened eyes. This was not the future he wanted for her. Surely, he thought, Lulu would snap out of it and realize how ridiculous it was to ask Julia this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Lulu continued to look expectantly at the child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia was normally checked out of her parents\u2019 fights. But this time, Lulu was asking for a separation and was roping Julia into it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBakit\u2026\u201d Julia said out loud. Her voice was at first firm, but it could not hold \u201c…\u2018di na lang pwede \u2018wag na maghiwalay?\u201d And, in an instant, everything in her snapped at once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia no longer remembers anything about her parents prior to this moment.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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A 2004 meta-analysis study<\/a> by Amato found evidence that suggests that dysfunctional families, when opting for divorce, leads to better outcomes for all involved parties. This was further proven in a 2010 review<\/a> by the same author.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite this, however, many anti-divorce groups continue to denounce the effectiveness of marriage dissolution and especially divorce. While annulment exists in the Philippines, the costs are particularly high and legally require justification for the invalidity of the marriage before it was enacted\u2013 proof of which often requires hiring expert assessment or extraneous lawyering to produce evidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, anti-divorce proponents continue to downplay the potential liberation a divorce law would offer\u2013 the trauma that can be healed by the mere right to leave. Because why should you have to be rich to have the right to your own life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Julia quietly sat in the car. The airconditioning was barely a hum despite the heat and she kept her earbuds on as her parents got out of the car. She stared out the windshield as her parents walked up to the mall\u2019s facade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was listening to The Script\u2019s latest album #3. She had every song memorized already, but she kept looping through it. It felt nice. Comforting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her parents trekked out onto the front of the mall and stopped. Julia\u2019s mother was shouting at her father again. There was fury painted in her eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia kept them both just out of sight. It wasn\u2019t worth paying attention to them when they were like this, she learned. It just distracted her from talking to her friends. And, even though she was bullied plenty at school still, at least she got attention. At least she had people listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her eyes flicked back up to her parents and saw someone she did not know come up to them. She seemed short.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia looked back down. No one was responding to her messages today, it looked like. She supposed summer was a busy time for some other people. She glanced back up and stopped as she saw the scene unfold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lulu was trying to pull at the short woman\u2019s hair. Arwen was trying to pull her away, but it seemed to be to no avail. The woman seemed to be trying to get away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia kept staring, unsure how to feel or what to do. She\u2019s not sure what happened next.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Premarital conception leading to marriage has also been correlated with greater likelihood for marriage dissolution<\/a> as well as lower marriage stability<\/a>, as the sudden onset of a committed relationship is said to disrupt the courtship process and may lead to difficulties in forming stable family relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Such instabilities can become breeding grounds for resentment, paranoia, and trigger insecurities in the relationship. These can lead to an ever-widening spiral of contempt and miscommunication as both parties become less and less able to understand each other\u2019s issues and perspectives, especially when factors outside of their control impact the relationship, such as their children and economic concerns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The doctor told Arwen he needed rest and an alleviation of stress. But as Julia\u2019s graduation date loomed, it was getting more and more difficult for him to be unstressed. Lulu was calling every other day now, yelling at him about his supposed sins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He sent an email to Lulu, greeting her for their 200th monthsary. He wrote a poem for her and had Julia buy flowers for her from them both. However, neither tempered Lulu\u2019s temper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, he continued to be accused of cheating\u2013 a painful accusation when he often sat lonely and exhausted most days in his barely-living space and ate food out of tin cans to send enough money back to his family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He sometimes wrote in poems to his emails to Julia and she often loved them. She usually told him to find more time to write so he can get better at poetry, since Arwen seemed to love being able to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, as of late, Julia became more and more busy and distant. She had friends and a love life to attend to. She went to international academic competitions and filled her days with so many things he didn\u2019t even know about. And now she was graduating in two days and he was going to miss it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The stress hampered his body in ways he couldn\u2019t have known. He had nightmares of Lulu and Julia leaving. His physical symptoms worsened and his doctor continued to insist that he not tax himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But how couldn\u2019t he? He was there to give his family a good life. Despite everything, he had to do it for them. Whatever the cost.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cNo matter if our families are not perfect, perhaps we should be proud of the strong witnessing value of having a provision in our Philippine Constitution that says, \u201cThe State recognizes the Filipino family as the foundation of the nation. Accordingly, it shall strengthen its solidarity and actively promote its total development\u201d (Art XV, Section 1).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Catholic Bishops\u2019 Conference in the Philippines,
A Nation Founded on Family, A Family Founded on Marriage<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

While we typically conceive of families as the basic unit of societies, their closeness and private quality allow violence to live in them inconspicuously. The rot of a dysfunctional family can fester for years without anyone knowing, all its members aware of their abuse but unable to do more than to shrug and accept the normalcy of being damaged repeatedly by those who were supposed to protect them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At what point should we start over? At what point is the foundation so cracked that you can build nothing on top of it? At what point will we acknowledge that these broken families are an unacceptable loss and the lives of thousands of abused women, men, and children are not a cost we are willing to pay as a nation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At what point will we say that our fellow Filipinos deserve better than to fall asleep, afraid of the sound of an opening door?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cHindi naman ako tanga na pwede mong pagsinungalingan tungkol sa pambababae mo, Arwen!\u201d Julia\u2019s mother\u2019s shrill voice continued to ring in Julia\u2019s ears. She put her head down and did her homework. Although there were four walls between Julia and her parents, she could hear every word of their fights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHindi ka nga tanga pero kung anu-ano na naman pinaniniwalaan mo, Lulu? Wala akong babae. Wala!\u201d Her dad often tried to keep his cool in this situation, but he was only human. \u201cSobrang pagod na ako. Hindi ka pa ba pagod? Taon-taon na lang ganto, tuwing umuuwi ako\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOo, Arwen, pagod na ako,\u201d she snapped back at him. \u201cPagod na pagod na pagod <\/em>na ako. Sampung taon na tayo ganto, Wen! Sampung taon mo na ako ginagago<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia stayed the course with her math homework. The angles add up to 90 degrees.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it was getting difficult to focus on the shapes and lines. Therefore, line FGH has to be\u2013<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sound of a large object being thrown interrupted her line of thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTangina mo at mga babae mo!\u201d She screamed at Julia\u2019s father. It was followed by the abrupt sound of more and more things being thrown. \u201cDum\u2019on ka na sa mga puta mo! Ba\u2019t mo pa kami inuuwian? Putang ina mo!\u201d The sound of a door being swung open came soon after, followed by several hurried footsteps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnak?\u201d Julia\u2019s dad started knocking at her door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FGH should be 45 degrees, right?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnak, pabukas naman ng pinto,\u201d her father said, her knocking on the door growing more frantic. Thrown things started hitting her bedroom door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia got up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPutang ina mo, mag-annul na tayo!\u201d Julia\u2019s mother continued.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arwen simply chuckled nervously in response. \u201cSa\u2019n tayo kukuha ng pera para don? Baon na baon na nga ako sa utang, tapos magpapa-annul tayo?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia held her hand at the door knob and paused for a moment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, she jumped back as the sound of a physical struggle against the door broke out. She kept staring at the closed door as her parents shuffled and fought against each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Soon, the sounds slowly started to stop meaning so much.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

There is a known strong association<\/a> between experiencing dysfunctional family dynamics and betrayal trauma and dissociative and complex post-traumatic stress disorders. Often, these disorders lay hidden for years, until its most obvious presentations are triggered by later stressful life events\u2013 at which point, the person in question may not have developed healthy coping mechanisms, especially if they remain in the dysfunctional environment that birthed the dissociation in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It was eleven in the morning. Arwen was on the floor and he was groaning in pain. His eyes were closed as the sunlight streamed through the living room curtains. A cracked luggage bag was splayed on the ground. The stairs creaked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lulu looked up at the stairs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Julia stood on the fifth step, having just witnessed her mother kick her father in the ribs three times in a row. So she pulled out her phone and started to dial a number on her phone, considering who to ask for help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lulu understood exactly what was happening and shouted at her, telling her not to do it. That it was just the two of them. That their dad was a cheating liar and, if she made that call, it would be a betrayal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia stared at her blankly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arwen slowly stood up, his left side stinging in a sharp pain. He dragged himself up from the floor and slowly placed himself atop the living room couch. His eyes faltered and he was barely conscious, but he was slowly gathering his bearings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia put down the phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lulu looked at Arwen. Then, she lunged at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia was not particularly athletic, but she knew what she had to do. She intercepted Lulu and pushed her away from Arwen. Lulu tried to lunge past Julia again, but she blocked her again. Julia took both of her mother\u2019s arms and pinned her down onto a different couch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Julia looked down at her mother, who she was holding down to keep her father safe. A familiar fury was reflected in Lulu\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother screamed and yelped, as she struggled in Julia\u2019s grip. She demanded to be let go. And then, she started screaming at Julia\u2019s face, \u201chindi kita anak!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHindi kita anak! Kagaya ka lang ng tatay mo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHindi kita anak!<\/em><\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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A 2021 survey by the University of Mindanao-Institute of Popular Opinion found that 33% of Filipino husbands have experienced some form of abuse<\/a>. When asked about the results, the UM-IPO’s Director for Sustainable Economy Dr. Joel B. Tan said, “Madalas ang babae ang kabataan ang binibigyan ng <\/em>protection at karapatan sa batas, yung <\/em>VAWC law na meron tayo<\/em>, but kailangan din ilagay sa <\/em>table yung <\/em>discussion about, what about men? What about husbands? Are they exempted from violence?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Julia moved out of their house in college. Lulu called often, but Julia rarely answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lulu spent her hours teaching high school students. They frequently thought she was the \u2018cool teacher\u2019, who was chill and nice to everyone. Lulu always wanted to teach, but between the pregnancy and husband, it wasn\u2019t really something she could do until now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She ruffled through some of Julia\u2019s old school papers\u2013 essays, quizzes, projects.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, when Lulu felt lonely in that big house all on her own, she would go through Julia\u2019s things and see what she could find. She\u2019s not sure what Julia\u2019s up to now, but maybe she could at least understand what Julia was doing back then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was going through her English notebooks, when a folded piece of paper fell out of one. She picked it up and gently unfolded it. A small poem was written, unmistakably in Julia\u2019s loopy handwriting. But in red ink, someone had written \u201csee me after class\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She slowly went through each line. A tear wet the page as she started to understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The poem was about a monster that went bump in the night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWide awake with my eyes closed tight,
A step, a thump from under the door\u2019s light.\u201d<\/em><\/pre>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>
An Answered Prayer<\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n
Since 2011, opinion polling on divorce by Social Weather Stations has shown that over 50% of Filipino adults support the legalization of divorce in the Philippines<\/a>. Despite this, however, there continues to be vocal opposition to the matter and many candidates in the upcoming 2025 elections remain skeptical to adopt an affirmative position on the matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anti-divorce personalities and groups continue to point to divorce as a potential problem because they view its use as a personal or a moral \u201cfailure.\u201d However, what they fail to understand is, for people like Julia and Angel, divorce is the only path to liberation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Divorce allows the vulnerable to escape from harm. It opens doors for people to rebuild their lives\u2013 to amicably obtain their assets from a failing relationship and build new ones into the future. There are people who are unhappy with their lives and we are compelled to ask: what right do we have to keep them trapped in loveless marriages that extinguish their ambitions, terminate their freedoms, and shut out a better future?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ultimately, not all marriages are done in front of the altar. And, even if they were, no individual should be deprived of the liberty to live their life and write a new future for themselves\u2013 most especially, not those who have experienced a tremendous amount of trauma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They deserve an opportunity to heal. And it is important to recognize that, while divorce is not the solution to everything, it is a reprieve from the endless nightmare of thousands of failing Filipino families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/span>
A Better World is Possible<\/span><\/h1>\n\n\n\n
Just like how the Philippines is the last secular country in the world without a divorce law, for people like Julia and Angel, these may be some of the last chances they have to free themselves from the shackles of illusory love and to finally find sincere happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While for some, bumps and thuds in the night are just noise\u2013 a silly childhood imagining from an overactive mind\u2013 for others, like victims of trauma and abuse, they can impair their sense of safety and self for the rest of their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our lives, hearts, and worship might belong to something greater than us, be it our community, our loved ones, or our religion\u2019s respective deity\/ies\u2014but the interpretation of Scripture and Law alone should not trap us in eternal torment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead, these rituals and unions should inspire us to reflect introspectively, rebuild our lives, and reinforce the need for care and hope, especially in a society so heavily dominated by oppression, subjugation, and violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the end of the day, none of us want to be trapped. None of us want to be alone. We need to take care of those who most need it. And, in this moment, many of them need us to free them from a vow already broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because while God may have put forth the Sacrament of these unions for some, the law of the land God Himself defers back to man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. And they marvelled at him.<\/p>Mark 12:17, Bible (King James Version)<\/em><\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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<\/span>Post-Script<\/em><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Angel\u2019s parents were married for 7 years. Two years after they split, their father died. Angel\u2019s mother wanted to marry her new live-in partner, but the blossoming relationship did not end well after all and they separated after. Angel\u2019s mother would later struggle to find attention, whether physically or emotionally, from another man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Angel would then end up with a younger sibling after being the only child for 20 years. Angel\u2019s mother did not want to raise the child along with the child\u2019s biological father and so raised them both alone since.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It remains etched in Angel\u2019s mind that, for them to be loved and accepted, they had to please others. However, they continue to struggle reaching out to other people\u2019s hands and being left behind by people who no longer wanted anything to do with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps, this was a crucifix not only Angel carried, but also everyone who struggles to find out what real love truly was and what it was not. To love and want but fearing the possibility of becoming like the \u2018monsters\u2019 who made the sounds that go bump in the night of their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Angel has been seeking therapy for over 3 years now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Julia\u2019s parents have been married for over 20 years. They have been fighting for 13 years. They have considered annulment and separation multiple times now, but the family never had enough money to go through with it. But even if they did, they would never do it, because they intended to stay \u2018for Julia.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meanwhile, Julia still gets a spike of anxiety when a door slams or when she hears someone going up the stairs. She does not need permission to leave her apartment but she traps herself in her bedroom anyway. She never takes a phone call, because the sound of her dad\u2019s voice on the other end leaves her feeling guilty she couldn\u2019t save him and the sound of her mom\u2019s leaves her feeling trapped because she feels she took her mother\u2019s dreams away from her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It remains etched in Julia’s heart that, for her to have been worth bringing into the world, she had to become lovable. However, she continues to struggle understanding if she means anything at all, especially when it seems people leaving just seems to be what happens to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps, this was a crucifix not only Julia carried, but also everyone who struggles to find out if love could really save them. To want and desire an unconditional love and acceptance of their whole self, even if they were told otherwise by the ‘monsters’ who made the sounds that go bump in the night of their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Julia has been in therapy for 9 years.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In 2011, the country of Malta held a referendum for the passage of a divorce bill. The Catholic Church in the country urged its voters to reject the measure. However, despite religious pressures, the people passed the divorce bill, leaving the Philippines as the sole secular country in the world without absolute divorce.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":6973,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,10],"tags":[135,133,136,134],"ppma_author":[130,132],"class_list":["post-6972","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-features","category-literary","tag-creative-non-fiction","tag-divorce","tag-family","tag-narrative"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t